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- Two ministers were discussing the decline in morals in the
modern world. "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was
married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did
you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her
maiden name?"
- A Houston construction site boss was interviewing men for
a job, when along came a Lower Cajun.
I'm not hiring any Cajuns, the foreman thought to himself, so
he made up a test hoping that the Cajun wouldn't be able to answer
the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without
getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without
using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Cajun says. "Dat is easy,"
and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine."
says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here is your second
question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture
that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "ere
you go."
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now! So its dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire this guy,
so he says, "Alright, last question. Same rules again, but
represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space again, then he picks up the picture
again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says,
"Ere you go. One 'hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you
think that represents a hundred."
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases,
and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree,
so now you've got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd,
and dirty tree and a turd, which make one 'hundred. So when I
start?"
- How to bathe a cat
- Catlovers, skip this 'guide how to wash a cat'... and don't
try this at home.
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and
have both lids up.
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close
both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot
escape.) The cat will self - agitate and make ample suds. Never
mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually
enjoying this.
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge,
as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "Power
Wash" and "Rinse", which I have found to be quite
effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that
there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift
both lids.
8. The now clan cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside
where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog!
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