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- One day a lawyer was riding home in his limousine when he
saw a man eating grass by the side of the road. He told his driver
to stop.
He got out and asked the man "Why are you & your family
eating grass?"
The man replied, "Sir, I am so poor and I cant afford anything
to eat."
So the lawyer said "Poor guy, why don't you come to my house?"
The guy says "But Sir, I have a wife and three kids also".
The lawyer says, "No problem, bring them all along."
When they were all in the limousine, the poor man says, "Thank
you for taking us back to your house, it is very kind of you."
The lawyer says " Oh you are just going to love it there
- the grass is over a foot high."
- A blond police officer pulls over a blond in a convertible
sports car for speeding. She walks over to the car and asks the
blond driver for some I.D.
The blond convertible driver searches through her purse in vain.
Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"
The blond police officer tells her "Its that thing with
your picture on it."
The blond driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her
compact, opens it, and sure enough sees her picture. She hands
the compact to the blond cop.
After a few seconds looking into the compact the blond cop rolls
her eyes, hands the compact back to the blond convertible driver
and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer
when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole
thing."
- In This life I am a Woman!
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the
size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially
grown, cute cuddly cubs.
I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, youswat them too.
I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling!
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup... gonna be a bear
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